"People are disturbed not by things but by the view they take of them." - Epictetus
The most important element of successful relationships at work (and play and at home) is trust. Without trust, relationships at risk and to address the people, retire to resist, and the port. Without trust, people feel insecure - physically, emotionally, mentally and psychologically.
Distrust is a fact of life in many workplaces. If suspicions arise in the workplace?No confidence in the workplace is the result of individual experience before entering the workplace. Mistrust is brought into the world of work, do not arise in the workplace.
The voices that we heard
We are not born with a natural feeling of distrust of others. However, long before we were able to spell "job", were the seeds of fear, doubt and suspicion in our mind unconsciously planted in our psyche by our parents or guardians, when we were very young. Inthe early stages of life, including during the development process from birth until the age of seven years, we have the seeds of doubt, fear and mistrust. Have been fed by rumors that we heard - voices that told us, in different ways, shapes and forms, that:
"You're no good."
"You're not wanted."
"You're not that you are loved."
"You're not who they are seeing."
"You need to have a problem."
"Their needs are not important."
"I'm not sure."
"This is notprovided. "
"You will be cheated."
"Your presence is not important."
These messages may not exactly in those words have already been delivered. However, the news took the form of statements and behaviors that are otherwise dismissed us, made us feel small, invisible, invisible, ignored and ridiculed our efforts, our creations, our ideas, our ideas, our thoughts , our beliefs, our interests, our vitality, juiciness, our, our silence, our individuality.
The many positiveVoices we want to hear so, so needed to hear as a child - the opposite of the votes listed above - often absent or rarely heard. For many of us, were the voices that we hear so often negative, that until today, when we hear someone in our name, we are "afraid" to answer in a way, for fear of something negative or fear before also remember that there are "bad" or something "wrong" - messages that are the heart of our most basic fear, doubt and distrust.
The voices we hear hours
Read eachstatements in the above list. Examine the interactions today, the last week, last month, six months or last year and see if you can identify events or situations work exactly (or at home or play) responded, which interprets and for foreign words or conduct as one of those messages. After reflection, follow your story the "truth" of the interpretation or responsiveness to be determined. In other words, the other person (s) actually means, for example, that you are "not good", not "wanted "," not for who you are to see "," no role "or" bad "or" wrong "somehow?
Experience shows that our interpretations of the messages we hear (read, etc.) are often subjective and judgmental and in fact are often more "stories" are there - without digging deeper to uncover the truth about our interpretation explore. If we move to fear, doubt and mistrust of others is our "story" is usually the cause. The question is "is exactly my story?"
The experience of our "family"Work
Psychologists have long asserted that "we bring our family to work '- feelings, emotions, behaviors, we first experienced in society - that many of our psycho-socio-emotional dynamics that we publish in our workplace "stuff", reflecting the close and distant relatives of ours when we were growing up. Only now, in the present, in real time, reacting unconsciously to our colleagues, bosses, direct reports and others on the job, press our buttons as "our family" pushedOur buttons then. Project our childhood fear, doubt and mistrust on the current individuals.
Based on our internalized beliefs, then walk into the workplace may feel small, invisible, unworthy, insignificant, insecure, uncertain, potential liability / problem, insecure, stupid, incompetent, and so suspicious. And why should not we? When we ran a personal work with the nature of our feelings of worthlessness and lack, our fears, doubts and distrust, to explore a goodthis is what we are looking antennas and radar. It is our wiring. We turn the radio dial in our heads "vigilance" and let our preconditioned provisions of fear, doubt and mistrust in order to guide our work life.
Just as we feared and distrusted doubts then we come to work consciously or unconsciously, fear, doubt and distrust hour armed. If we take the oral or written votes of those who feel we engage, listen to us today, we're really hearing the voices of those whosurrounded us when we grew up.
"Refrain not to trust, if your ego thinks things should be different than they do." - Wayne Dyer
The antidote to fear, doubt and distrust
If we observe and take note of our reaction - our fears, our doubts and mistrust - there are six steps we take to see if our fears, doubts and suspicions are justified or not, and can take steps towards moving on trust and confidence building and healthy relationships.
Release 1 - ifone experiences a feeling of fear or doubt, can be useful to ask whether the feeling, emotion or feeling "family", ie, whether as a feeling of "old" or believe that it is always seems to be. Repeat to yourself 'It' was then, this is now "in the immediate moment, you can separate the (mentally, emotionally and psychologically) from old, conscious or unconscious ties to the family. In this case, you can choose whether the current person (s) in a freshLight, so that branches off from a normal pattern of (family) reactivity and allows us to take a deep breath, see the other as separate and different individual and a "right-here, right now," which did not report history.
2 To recognize the "rest of the story" - if we want to tell a story of the other (s) which translates into fear, doubt and suspicion, it is helpful if we spent the rest of the story, asking if they try to discover the other The story we tellwe need. To say something like: "I have this reaction to what you said / and written, and it bothers me and I want to check it out with you" can go a long way to clarifying both the accuracy of your response, your story and creating a relationship of trust.
3 Forgiving others - if someone was speaking in a way that was painful for you. Forgiveness is not tolerated their behavior. However, it is a way to move beyond mental and emotional resentment, which leads into the deep time canStress and excitement for the disease and disease outcomes at different levels. Healing occurs when you leave our bitterness, resentment and anger to choose. Note that the resentment is like a drug and is waiting for the other person to die.
Explore 4 - Your questions about childhood history of doubt, fear, betrayal and trust in an attempt to see how your questions about trust "learned behaviors", which is made with you during your journey of life . See if you can observe where and whenThey "project" your fear, doubt and suspicion on others and see if your predictions are justified or, more likely, are "instinctive" reactions programmed.
5 Talking with others - that the trust and support and air your feelings. Sometimes the dialogue can help to discover the "blind spots" and areas that are not obvious when you're mulling things over in your mind and help you get more clarity on an issue or feeling. Make sure that the people with whom you are speaking, are good listeners, who respectYou can listen and not feel the need to jump in, fix that educate, you, you learn to question yourself, or hijack your experiences. This dialog box allows you to feelings, which, if kept inside (ie buried alive), serve only to get up and express its ugly head, which often leads to feelings of paralysis, anxiety, hopelessness and helplessness that the fuel doubt and mistrust.
6 Empathy - When you criticize, disagree or push someone back. Remember that everyRestrictions and blocks on trust, (ie, their "stuff") and communicate with empathy, understanding and compassion go a long way in forging healthy relationships and good to go - even if you disagree.
It 'good to remember that we are all a product of our upbringing and the way in which someone who does not apply to you several times. Another fear, doubt and distrust, like yours, are often projections that give you, if you are caught in an unconsciousReaction - one of them. In most cases, even if we "adults", we take other adults through the lens of the child who we were and threw them after the visible signs of our history, family history.
The voices of fear, doubt and distrust with which we communicate with others and the voices of others who communicate with us, are colored by the past.
The understanding of these items and the way in which the seed of fear, doubt and mistrust offers the possibilityDisclosure of who we really are at this moment, right here and now, and asks the interactions open, honest and mature they are more psycho-socio-emotional well-being and authenticity.
For example, some self-reflective questions:
• What can you do to increase your confidence? What will you do?
You can trust · Detects and eliminates blockages, especially your fears?
• Who do you trust? Are fear and doubt much of the fabric of who you arebe?
• How did you fear, doubt and distrust to learn when you grow up? He was a healthy sense of fear, doubt and suspicion, or was it a defensive, reactive feeling of fear, doubt and mistrust?
• Six or seen a so-called "St. Thomas"?
• You often have self-doubt? Judge for yourself? The lack of confidence in yourself?
• You must accept criticism, constructive feedback and push-back person? Why?
• You can check your "family" in others? How?
· The people always say, you remember a member of their family?
· Can you imagine a life that is free from fear, doubt and mistrust? What a step child, you could move this week, closer to that vision?
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